I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The adults are the big ones right?
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