on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
