So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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