I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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