I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
