i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
