you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
And then he peed in my hair
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