I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
