I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
