If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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