the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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