I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
