i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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