She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
