I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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