Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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