We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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