i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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