Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
