I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
