dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
