One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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