everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
