She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
