The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
