I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
