He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
