sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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