i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
