i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
