i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
