I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
