He asked me if I "almost moaned"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
