Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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