I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
