dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
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All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
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I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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