I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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