im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
