she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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