Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
