she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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