someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize