My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My penis needs a shock collar
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
