ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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