we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
