Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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