Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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