Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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