This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
