Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
