im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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