i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
