Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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