I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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