My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
