I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
As shirtless as possible
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
