i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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