Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
