Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
wow bdsm is so cute
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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