He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
