He uses pillows to masturbate.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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