He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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