Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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