That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
