I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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