Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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