just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
