and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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