Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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