did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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