I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
