The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
