Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
