You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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