wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
