I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
