Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
