so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
