Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
