he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
