Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize