dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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