if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
