I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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