I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
