dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You took a bar mat shot.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
