She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
